On The Road Again – a confession

When you’re traveling and you’re not planning ahead aka you just go with the flow then you give yourself and your life the opportunity to flow wherever it may want and need.

This is what we decided to do. We kind of had a plan in mind but didn’t plan ahead in details. The only thing we knew was that I had to be in Chiang Mai by the 9th of October for my Thai Massage Course. We also decided not to move around a lot to save money and this way we could soak up the culture of the country where we were.

Staying in one place gives you the opportunity to settle down a bit and establish some sort of habit into your life. In Chiang Mai, we found our favourite cafe and we also made friends with the owners. A lovely Thai couple who put their heart into their business. It was a beautiful experience to see someone working with passion. I guess when you do what you love it isn’t really a job, right?!

On the other hand, you have to make sure you keep yourself busy otherwise you get bored. I mean really bored.

I’m the kind of person who has to have some sort of system to my day, otherwise I can end up basically doing nothing. My course kept me busy in the mornings until 4 but then for the rest of the day and for the weekends I was free.

My dad passed away 3 weeks prior to our trip so I left Europe with a confused heart. Shall I stay? Could I help if I stayed? I’d been waiting for this trip with so much excitement and all of a sudden it left me worrying.

With a broken heart but I decided to leave. Originally I thought of this trip as a much needed break from life, to recharge and refocus. It’s hard to admit but I was a bit depressed, life sometimes felt like a struggle. Then with my dad’s passing away so suddenly my whole world turned upside down. Many things that were so important before didn’t matter anymore. I questioned and keep questioning many things in life since that day. It dawned on me that tomorrow is not promised. The things I’ve been postponing for fear, for low self-esteem or for whatever reason all of a sudden came up to the surface with a sense of urgency to act upon.

My aspirations for this life became clearer and although I don’t know how to get to the life I want to live, I knew I had to start taking some steps. Waiting and sitting around won’t make dreams come true. You have to put in time and effort. You have to be willing to sacrifice and work for it. You have to be willing to fall and get back up.

The trip that was gonna be a long holiday all of a sudden became a journey of self-discovery, soul-searching. It’s a graceful opportunity from life. I’m given all the time to focus on myself so when I come back to Europe I can come back stronger, braver and with my cup full to help others.

This is what I always wanted: to serve people, to make this world a better place, a more loving, caring and mindful place.

This, I know, won’t happen from one day to another. I have to first grow and invest into myself:

• I started a Life Coaching course to understand myself and become clear about my intentions and reasons.

• I’m exercising every day now to grow stronger mentally and physically.

• I have to face my bad habits, the painful emotions that pop up uninvited and be willing and open to deal with them.

• I have to accept that life doesn’t work out itself sometimes the way I imagined. I either accept this and let go or I have to be dragged by the bags on my back.

I’m grateful for this “free” time I was given to travel, to self-discover, to learn and grow. It’s always up to us what we make time for. It’s always up to us what we make of this life and of our dreams. Do we make them reality or do we sit around day-dreaming about the life we really want.

You’re graced for your race!

2 thoughts on “On The Road Again – a confession

  1. I miss you!!! I know (strong) events in life doesn’t come by coincidence but by causality (las cosas no vienen por casualidad pero por causalidad/ a dolgok okkal tortennek nem veletlenul). In one hand the nips of cacao in the other red wine…1 am, I can not sleep although I need it sooo much like we need water…
    and I miss you, the sacred feminine connection we have, our conversations, the nights with wine and chocolate planning business together/ sharing ideas/ recognize and welcome the highly creative part of us even if it’s scares us like hell and build/ create together. I like the picture in the mirror I see when I am with you.
    I know if it has to be it will be, I try to let go so maybe it becomes reality…
    I am with you in your loss, you are an old soul, you are strong, you are powerful! you are able to transform, to create whatever you need in your life!I
    I love you Stef!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I miss you too more than you think or know… and I love what I see in the mirror when I’m with you as well… when I’m with you my dreams and my aspirations feel valid, they feel so close.
      I miss all that and my soul really needs all that… together we’re strong(er) and we can make things happen. I hope that day will come and we can start a business (whatever it may be, we have a few ideas 😉 szeretlek es koszonom a szavaidat, a vilagot jelentik.

      Like

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